New Zealand Law Awards Mediator of 2017. Timothy is a Trans-Tasman award winning professional working as counsellor, mediator, supervisor, Balint group leader and therapist with over 30 years experience in his field of work.
Timothy is absolutely committed to promoting the right to engage in healthy sexual and intimate relationships, which he believes is fundamental to the health of both the individual and the couple. He further recognises that unhealthy sexual relationships, and those which lack intimacy, underpin many unhelpful and destructive tendencies in relationships, which if not addressed, frequently result in relationship deterioration and destruction.
Timothy recognises that sex and sexual intimacy, whether or not related to any biological process of procreation, is of equal value and importance to the sexual health of the individual and/or couple.
People often find it too painful to talk to anyone else about their fears, even their partner if they have a partner. Sex Therapy/Counselling for Sex Problems may be helpful for an individual or couple who feel their difficulties are affecting their quality of life in an emotional, psychological or physical way. It's a big step to decide to ask for professional help but here's an idea of what you can expect if you do take this step.
Sex Therapy gives support and education to people who have issues relating to
sex, sexuality, gender, and intimacy
differing levels of libido or sex drive
sexual dysfunction such as problems with orgasms, erections, either partner experiencing pain during or after sex
sexuality and/or sexual orientation including being gay, lesbian, bisexual, asexual, transsexual, transgendered or intersexed
sexual fetishism or paraphiliac behaviours if they are problematic for a partner or for you
Sex Therapy/Counselling for Sex Problems are terms to describe a process which gives support and education to people who have issues relating to sex, sexuality and intimacy. Timothy has found over time that the work of a sex therapy practitioner usually falls into one of three distinct areas, or categories - sexual dysfunction, sexuality/gender and/or sexual orientation, or preference, and finally sexual fetishism or parafilias. Of course different people identify these issues with different terms, but this is how Timothy defines these issues.
This is about the body bits, and about them not working in the way that someone would like them to work. The most common examples of this with men are an ability to get or sustain an erection, ejaculating too quickly or an inability to ejaculate. Less common examples might include penile pain or pelvic or testicular pain during or after sex and other kinds of pain during intercourse. For women the most common examples are an inability to achieve orgasm and vaginal spasms. Less common examples might include pain during sex or after sex.
We believe it's important to look at the whole person, and that's why we have available a caring and sensitive doctor who is able to identify any issues or conditions which might require either a medical treatment or combined medical and psychological treatment.
Sexuality/gender and/or sexual orientation or preference/Gender Dysphoria/Transgenderism
This is about to whom someone feels they are attracted. Typically in our society there is a view that being heterosexual, or straight, is the 'norm' and that someone who has feelings for someone of the same sex or gender, or maybe both sexes and genders is not normal. Being able to explore these kinds of feelings and attitudes in an environment where you won't be judged in any way, shape or form, is an important part of the work of the sex therapy practitioner. Some people might think that differing level of libido or sex drive might also come under this heading. There are plenty of other issues that some people might put under this heading, including being asexual, transsexual, transgendered or intersexed.
Sexual fetishes or paraphilia
If you get turned on watching porn, using a sex toy, or maybe dressing up as a nurse or whatever, and it's not a problem for you and/or any sexual partner, then there's no problem. However for some people, there may be aspects of their sexuality/drive which are problematic either for themselves or any sexual partner. In these cases the exploration of the activity/thoughts with a skilled and experienced sex therapy practitioner should allow the individual and/or couple to understand where the 'seeds' or 'genesis' of this attraction came from, and therefore allowing a change to be made, should this be desired
Getting Sex Therapy/Counselling for Sex Problems
There are a number of places that you are likely to go for sexual and relationship therapy/counselling for sex problems.
One is to your local doctor or GP, another, if you are living in one of New Zealand's bigger cities, is to go to one of the "special clinics", sometimes known as GUM or STD or STI or sexual medicine clinics. However, for most people a visit to a GP is often, but not necessarily, the first port of call.
The GP may well be able to give you some information, but is more likely to want to refer you, at least initially, to a trained professional who is more experienced in talking about sexual issues; a private therapist who specialises in sexual and relationship therapy/counselling for sex problems. A private therapist might work out of an office or their own home.
The person you see might call themselves a "psychotherapist" or a "counsellor" or a "psychologist" or a "psychiatrist". Their training will be different but they will work in broadly similar ways: they will sit with you and help you to talk and think about what is going on.
People often get confused between "psychiatrists, "psychologists and "psychotherapists". Psychiatrists are medical doctors who specialise in emotional or psychological problems and only psychiatrists can write prescriptions for drug treatments.
Psychologists have a degree in psychology and some of them train in "counselling" or "clinical" psychology after this and work in similar ways to a psychotherapist or counsellor. However many of these professionals will have completed specialist courses to enable them to assess and treat sexual and relationship difficulties in a supportive and non-judgmental atmosphere.
Typically, most people seeing a sex therapy practitioner wouldn't need to see a doctor, and many issues, especially for couples, can be resolved over a period of a few weeks or months. Again, most typically, a couple might see a sex therapy practitioner once a fortnight, with homework in between times, for a period of between three to six months.
Sex therapy may help with:
Problems having orgasms
Lack of desire
Same sex attraction
Use of porn
Trans issues and Gender identity questioning issues
Over many years of professional practice, Timothy has developed a successful 10 meeting programme which typically lasts around 15 to 20 weeks.
What can you expect if you want to undertake Timothy's 10 meeting programme?
A first meeting with both parties
Followed by an individual meeting with each party
And then a follow up meeting with both parties. It's here that the specific plan is tailor made for each couple, and the following meeting will be the first of the meetings in Timothy's 10 meeting programme.
After the follow up meeting, the couple begin the work, and the (generally) fun begins. After each subsequent meeting Timothy will give each party either jointly or individually homework to be undertaken over the course of the following 7 or 14 days. The work will be a combination of practical tasks to be done in bed (or elsewhere), written work and most importantly, communication skills building.
At every following meeting, any completed homework will be reviewed, achievements to date congratulated, disappointments addressed and any necessary adjustments made to the 10 meeting programme plan. Normally after 4 or 5 meetings, the 7 day gap will become a 14 day gap, and a review will be made at various stages along the way.
Anyone is free at any point to end their participation on the programme, but experience, research and evidence all say that, as with most things, if you persevere and don't give up, you'll get what you seek.
The cost of Timothy's 10 meeting programme
For any couple choosing to register on Timothy’s 10 meeting programme, this may be paid on a meeting by meeting basis of NZD $225 per meeting, or by a one off payment of NZD $1687.50 upfront, which represents a saving of 25% on the regular consultation fee, however there are some small restrictions on this discussed at the time of the initial consultation. There is no GST payable.